Blog Entry: Atari After Dark – “Eat 'Em and Beat 'Em” Slides into the Collection 🍦🎮
Well, folks—it finally happened. I’ve added one of the most infamous cartridges in video game history to my collection. Nope, it’s not E.T. (though that’s a different kind of disaster). We’re going full NSFW today with the Atari 2600 “classic” (and I use that term very loosely): Eat 'Em and Beat 'Em by Mystique, part of their “Swedish Erotica” adult game line.
Yes, this is real. Yes, someone made it. And yes, I own it now. Pray for my shelf space.
🍑 What Is This Even?
Imagine it’s 1982. Video games are the new frontier, Atari is king, and someone, somewhere, thinks: “You know what the industry needs? Pornographic joystick games.”
Enter Eat 'Em and Beat 'Em. You play as two topless women at the bottom of a building catching... let’s just say “ice cream” that’s being, uh, delivered from above by a man on a rooftop who is very busy with himself. Your mission? Catch as much of it in your mouth as possible. It's like Kaboom! but with shame.
This game is brought to you by Mystique, a company that clearly asked, “What if adult films and Atari had a deeply uncomfortable baby?”
📦 The Packaging: Classy in the Most Unclassy Way
The box is retro-fabulous with a teal grid design and a lovingly drawn, very 1970s-looking cartoon woman suggestively tonguing an ice cream cone. Subtlety? Never heard of her.
The cartridge even comes in a deluxe case that makes it look like something you'd expect to hold a Bond film on LaserDisc—not an Atari game you hide when your in-laws visit. The phrase “ADULT VIDEO GAME CARTRIDGE” is proudly displayed, in case Grandma gets curious.
🎮 Gameplay: Technically... It Exists?
If you’re wondering whether the gameplay is any good—stop. That’s not why this exists. You’re here for the novelty, the cringe, and the bizarre historical artifact of a time when the video game industry was absolutely lawless. The graphics are about as crude as the content, but that’s part of the charm(?). The paddle controller ensures that your “timing” matters. Gross.
🧠 Final Thoughts: For the Bold Collector Only
Look, I’m not saying Eat 'Em and Beat 'Em is a good game. It’s not. It’s not even a bad game—it’s barely a game at all. But as a piece of gaming history? It’s wild, weird, and worth preserving for the same reason people keep cursed VHS tapes in their basements. It’s the kind of thing you bust out at parties to make everyone uncomfortable and remind them that the '80s were a strange, strange time.
Rating: 2/10 Gameplay | 10/10 Conversation Starter | 100/10 “Why do you own this?” Factor
Got any bizarre retro games in your collection? Let’s hear the strangest ones—no judgment (maybe). 😅🕹️
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